Wrapped up in Kiki

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Regret #2456

Well maybe it wasn't that exact number but it's one... and yes this is shallow and stupid. I am well aware of that.

In my last relationship I worked as a shooter girl and cocktail waitress at a bar downtown... I basically got paid to drink, dance, carry a tray and flirt. fantastic.. well for the most part I never got tempted, there was never anyone who said just the right thing in just the right way. (perhaps because I wasn't looking for it.) I went home loyally at 4am every night to the same guy in the same bed. Except for one night. I was working a special day for the Big Bike race and we had community teams come in. One table was a group of fire fighters and police. I believe I fought hard to get this table, lol. Anyways there was one guy who was just amazing. Gorgeous in every aspect, yet sweet and not cocky. (A hard thing to find these days) He said everything right and we just seemed to click. I was more than excited.. It was my dream to be with an older man and a firefighter... it would kill two birds with one stone.... It somehow came to be that he was inviting me to a baseball game and I was dying to go. He asked for my number to go with his next bottle of beer... So i went behind the counter, ordered my drinks and found a napkin and a crayon a wrote my number. I shoved it into my pocket with a hint of guilt... I had an amazing guy waiting for me at home... When I got over to his table I gave him the drink and went to pull out my number and then I just couldn't do it. I felt too much guilt, so I ripped it in my pocket and handed the guy his bill. I thought it was over and I had succeeded temptation... He walked out and I sighed... then 2am rolled around... this was more than 6 hours later and he walked up to the bar. He pulled me aside and made me feel like the prettiest girl on the face of the earth... and right there while I was working we kissed. It was incredible .. until one of the bouncers saw.. who happened to know I was taken.. he ran up and said "don't worry I got em", and pulled this guy away from me... I had to tell him it was ok and to let the guy stay without admitting I had wanted this to occur. (lol)... well as much as he was sweet I still went home alone with my phone number scrunched up in my pocket. I wanted it more than anything but didn't want to hurt the guy waiting for me at home.
and now... in hindsight it's a regret. Had i known the guy i was with was eventually not going to be there when i needed him most I would have absolutely delved into one of my fantasies... and now I don't know what could have been. There was definite chemistry... maybe a one night stand but maybe it could have been something else, either way I wish I could go back. And yes when I return to the bar I always scope around and hope to see him, but I never have. Mike the Firefighter if you are reading this find me.... lol.

| posted by Kiki at 12:35 AM

1 Comments:

Anonymous had this to say:: Regrets. I have a few. I've made some bad mistakes but the biggest regrets that I have are about not telling people how I feel about them. Sure you can make your life incredibly complicated by giving affection or attraction a voice but in the end I think that the world would be a far better place if people just knew how they are loved and admired.

I always wanted to make up business cards that simply said "You Are Beautiful" and perhaps a quote about beauty on the back. I wanted to give these cards to the beautiful women that I saw every day. I didn't want to make love to them all - I just wanted them to know tha someone - even a random stranger - thought they were beautiful. I guess the down side of that urge is would any woman understand my urge to let other women know they are attractive. How would these women act or react? I don't know. It might still be worth a shot.

without regret; 1:08 PM, January 20, 2008

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