Monday, February 25, 2008
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
- Nelson Mandela
| posted by Kiki at 11:20 PM
So much is said in silence...
I haven't written anything in a while, but so much is said in me not writing. I haven't spent time on this blog for fear of saying things that I didn't want to say. Worried about the consequences, the truths and well... perhaps the shock value. I feel very much like I'm going through life with a blindfold on. But I'm not naive, I realize I was the one who tied it. I was on track, getting happier but since Christmas it's been down hill at rapid speed. I wanted change and I definately got it.... oh boy did I ever.... just not what I had originally planned on changing. The past month or so has been challenging. I'm really sore and low on energy. I don't want to go into too much detail but I will say that I'm scared. I am scared that I have become what I feared most. That I ahve let myself be like someone I despise. and whats worse is I know what needs to be done but I can't. Something is holding me back.. something big. It's been holding me down for so long that I don't even know how to get up.
Yes, I am dancing around more issues. It's what I do best. I've become very good at seperate emotions from feelings. I write my emotions so as to feel like I have purged what weighs on me, but I do it in a way that I don't have to feel the underpinnings of it all.
| posted by Kiki at 10:57 PM
