Thursday, May 18, 2006
Looking for spark
Do you have it? I'm lacking that spark feeling. you know what I mean... it's that little feeling of feeling wanted, feeling sexy, or having attraction and lust for another person. I'm lacking it! I guess that isn't a good thing, especially since I have been in a rather serious relaionship for 8 months now... I need some exciement.
The other day I heard the song Unwritten and though I am not a big fan of the song, I find the lyrics inspiring. She says "Release your inhibitions, feel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you " This has made me focus on my own needs and trying to do what will make me happy. I have always let others control my mood and self image. If someone thought I was sexy, I felt sexy. If someone thought I was hideous, I thought I was hideous... There has to be an end to this.
I'm bored with life. I'm working at a placement that I hate with a passion, 40 hours a week and not making any money, then working weekends just to pay rent. I feel like I can't get ahead. I take one step forward and two steps back.
I'm very tempted to fall for a quick fix like I've always done. My life has always been about quick fixes, which really equates to mistake after mistake. I have been tempted to cheat on my man. I haven't though and I'm not sure that I could. I've always been worried about consequences and have enormous guilt about just about everything. I"d probably breakdown and confess, and what excitement could really come from it? Althought it would spice up my life and make it more fun, and it might just bring back that spark I crave sooooo much.
| posted by Kiki at 11:19 PM
